Archive for May 10th, 2009


Rage for the Road

fastlaneI’ve talked to people from other states and an abundance of bad/careless drivers seem to be national in the USA. I haven’t discussed drivers in other countries. but I’m betting they have their share too.

Now I’m not an easy person to make angry. I have a pretty high tolerance for stupidity, but my only weakness for temper flaring is driving. Why that is, has not fully come to light. Perhaps it is that driving really is a dangerous situation. It’s so easy to do something reckless and endanger the lives of other  drivers or pedestrians. I also seem to have a low tolerance for cowardliness, and being a jerk behind the wheel screams coward. I can understand unintentional mistakes (which, by the way are really hard to determine while driving) but when someone cuts you off, races ahead to take off from a stop sign when you were ‘clearly’ there first, or darts out in front of you of you, forces you to break down to half your speed then proceeds at a crawl. Woo hoo! Stop the freaking press.

I could happily get out of the car at this moment and break a windshield or side mirror.  As with all things that I do, I shall break down the type of road offenders into a list.

1. Power Rangers: These are the folks that think they are superheroes racing to save the day. They criss cross traffic at dangerous distances on the highway, run red lights excessively, do rolling stops at stop signs, and dart out in front of you when CLEARLY you will have to break just not to hit their vehicle.


2. Strollers: Half the time these people have cataracts. Sorry, that was harsh. What I meant to say is that they are very ‘mature’. They are just dandy driving five to ten miles under the speed limit. They also seem oblivious that anyone at all could possibly be coming down their lane when they are backing out of parking spaces. No, no, you go! I was just sitting here staring at the sky. Strollers also come to a near stop when they have to make a turn, because WHOA those turns can be tricky. 😀

3. Frogs: These folks have no freaking idea where they are going. They like to hop in your lane, then back in the next lane. Hold, on, wait for it…they signal for a left turn, slow down and…nope, not that street. They just keep on going. God forbid their lane ends and they are in the turning lane. Well, they’ll fix that mistake by half running you off the road and going straight instead of turning. Make sure to leave a change of underwear in the glove compartment when dealing with frogs.

4. Mystery Men: Ever been behind someone who is cruising along at a nice speed, then they slow down and you find yourself breaking? Then you see this ‘huge’ gap opening up between you and the car, so you speed up. Then they slow down for a leaf that skitters across the road, and then they speed up again. Well I have. I call these folks mystery men because you have no clue what they are going to do next. MM also make sudden turns without signaling. Cuz who the hell knows what that flashy light does? Could be a bomb.

5. ED: Ed stands for easily distracted. This is the category to clump the phone talkers, conversation holders, bacon cheeseburger eaters, and too-busy-staring-at-girl-in-bikini people. They are liable to do anything.

6.Precipitation Phenom: the PP is the as yet unstudied event that occurs naturally in nature every time it rains, snows, or the wind blows too fast. What happens to people’s brains when we have bad weather? I’ve no clue.  Somehow the driving gets more reckless when there is bad weather. I try and stay off the roads at this time.

I should probably add, that despite my foaming-at-the-mouth fits I do not think its a smart idea to antagonize these people. Folks have been killed because they pulled over and got out of their cars and started waving guns around. People have been sent to the hospital because they took baseball bats out of their trunks and beat the snot out of each other. I learned that horns should only be used in the case of an emergency. It’s a bad idea to be a chronic horn-tooter. Not only could an unnecessary beep startle someone into flooring the gas or running a light, but if the driver is craning their head around to see ‘who’ is beeping at him/her then that distracts them from the road. So, please, never beep at a friend you see driving past you. Horns are not the cars way of saying hello. It’s more like saying ‘Move out of the way!”

And that’s all for Rage for the Road!


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